


Control

by Kimmy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Background mention of Izzy/Rebecca, Character Study, Jace Wayland Feels, Jimon established before 2x20, M/M, POV Jace Wayland, Season 3 Lilith Plot Coda, This was a humour prompt and now here we are, jimon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 06:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14443149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimmy/pseuds/Kimmy
Summary: "I've got everything under control."





	Control

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Takara_Phoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takara_Phoenix/gifts).



He felt like back at the ship and yet… not. It was so much worse. It was so much better. The chains that tethered him to the wall hurt but it was so much better than the hard walls of his own mind. He felt less trapped in metal than he did in the steel hold of The Owl.

The scariest part wasn’t even being so close to them. The scariest part wasn’t the dreams about killing Simon. The scariest part wasn’t how close he got to making Rebecca kill Izzy, it wasn’t being moments away from being declared unfit for active duty when he wanted to go to the Silent Brothers.

It wasn’t even being forced to watch himself stop loving Simon.

The worst part was that none of them noticed. He spent the whole day with Alec as The Owl and Alec was none the wiser. He talked with Izzy, he had Maryse say to his face that she knew him while he was possessed. Not even Simon, basically glued to his side for most of the night, noticed. It made him feel like what sliver of consciousness he was left, trapped inside himself, was slipping away.

It hurt, being trapped in Lilith’s steel hold, being molested, being used as a tool, used to kill, ruin the lives of so many good people. It hurt, to watch the blood of 66 people flow down the altar, the blood that stained his hands, watch that blood bring Jonathan Morgenstern back.

Jonathan Morgenstern.

His not-brother. The man to whom Lilith sacrificed his suffering. The man for whom she had broken Jace. The man who she wanted to kill him.

And the man who saved his life.

Chained up as he was, beaten, tortured, molested, broken and defeated… Jace was still glad he wasn’t dead.

Not after dying. Not after hearing Alec talk what it felt like to lose him. Not after having Simon hold him. Not all the hugs from Izzy, Max, Magnus, Clary… Even Maia hugged him after she found out.

He didn’t much feel like living but he wasn’t ready to let himself die, for their sake.

He didn’t hear them.

He wasn’t sure why. He was told, later, how much noise and chaos unfolded around him. They banished the Mother of All Demons. This was no small feat. Hell unleashed in the Church of Talto while Jace was blissfully unaware, slumped down in his chains in the basement, the pain dulled but ever-present.

He didn’t realize they came for him until suddenly there was a hand on his cheek, so much different from Lilith’s brutal, cruel hold. Until his eyes met the familiar brown ones filled with worry.

Until the words somehow managed to get through the fog of his mind.

“Jace? Are you… The Owl… Is it…”

“I’ve got everything under control.”

He did. He had his mind to himself. He had Simon to deal with the rest. He would be alright.


End file.
